Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Different Reasons Marriages Fail

My wife told me of a marriage statistic she had recently heard that both astonished me and at the same time didn't surprise me. It surprised me because I see the same things in the church and it didn't surprise me because I have seen the lack of work and energy placed in marriages. This new stat says last year 200,000 marriages ended before couple's made it to their 1 year anniversary. Wow not even a year into the marriage and they called it quits. Another stat states that the average life of a marriage today is only 7 years.

Below is not an exhaustive list.. but I believe it is a good place to start in resurrecting marriages.



  1. MAN IT UP BOY! It amazes me how much men are not men today. I find so many men that are passive, indifferent, and illusive to their wives. What happened to men who are tough, fighters, aggressive, passionate and all within the context of loving Jesus? Instead we find men that go work their 8 hours, come home unengaged with their wives and their children, and spend their weekends watching sports regretting that Monday is right around the corner. What is startling is this is no different outside the church as it is in the church. Men we need to lead again as Jesus lead the church; sacrificially. Engage your families.
  2. LADIES STOP EMASCULATING YOUR MEN! Ladies let your men be men. Before women are married they love the man that is risky, bold, courageous, and sometimes seemingly untamed. Then when they marry they start out to first change the things that originally attracted them to their husbands... their manhood! Women let your men lead in a Godly way. Stop trying to take the headship role in the home and allow your husband to lead as Christ also leads his church with boldness, courage, and passion.
  3. SCREW THE STUFF! The American dream has turned into the American nightmare. We think that once we are married that now we must settle down somewhere and start stock piling stuff as if we were Colombian drug lords stock piling munitions. We believe in the false ideal that the way I provide for my family is through a bigger home, a nicer car, more expensive clothes, and totally lose out on the simple things like dreaming together, laughing together, sharing together and playing together.
  4. YOU MARRIED THE SEXIEST PERSON ON THE PLANET! Pursue your spouse like the day you did when you married. Men are the biggest to blame for this. When you get married don't let the hunt stop. You are a hunter and you pursued your wife at all cost before you were married. That shouldn't stop when you marry, but instead intensify. Women, let your men pursue you. Before you married you made yourself look beautiful for him both on the inside and the outside. Let yourselves be pursued by your husband. Flirt with each other like you used to!!
  5. TIME OUT KIDS! Your kids need to know that they are second to your spouse, not before your spouse. When is the last time you kissed in front of your kids? When is the last time you went out on a date leaving the kids with a babysitter? Yes children are a lot of responsibility, time, and energy, but don't let them come in the way of your marriage. Otherwise one day you will wake up, your kids will be grown and out of the house, and you won't know the person you married some 20 years ago.
  6. NOT 50/50! Where do we get the idea that marriage is a 50/50 relationship. The idea that I will give 50% and they will give 50% and we will be fine. Question? What happens during your marriage when the other spouse is only able to give 30% due to extraneous circumstances? What happens if neither are able to hold up their 50/50 agreement? I will tell you what eventually happens, divorce! You see Christ didn't give us 50% and expect us to give the other 50%. No He gave it all, His life, 100%, in order to renew a lost relationship with the God of the World. We likewise are to give 100%. Therefore marriage is 100/100. How much more full would that marriage be?
  7. JESUS THE GREAT ADD IN!?! What!! Jesus is not an add in to a marriage. Jesus needs to be the foundation of a marriage. Every marriage is built upon a foundation and if that foundation is off then the whole marriage will be off. The foundation is the very thing that allows the structure above to be built as desired. Therefore Jesus needs to be the common denominator in the marriage and family. Are you praying together, reading the scriptures together, going to church together, serving together, and growing together?

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