Church For Screwed Up People

Last week I told our people that my 4 year old son Malachi is at that place in potty training where he only needs a little help cleaning up on number two.  We usually know he needs help anytime he is in the bathroom longer than a couple of minutes.  So the other day he was in there about 10 minutes and instead of hearing the typical "mommy" we hear his older sister yell "Malachi is out of the bathroom and went poop".  Got to love older sisters!  Connie and I start checking and making sure he really did clean himself up, I'm ready to call in Hazmat, and to our surprise and excitement he did it all by himself. 


I know, what does this have to do with anything formative other than an excited set of parents.

Well I told our people the problem with so many people is we try to do exactly what my son did.  We try to clean ourselves up before we come to God.  We try to make our lives better, we try to fix our problems, we sometimes stay away from God and the Church until we get it all together (or at least think we do).  One of our values at Awaken is that "We Are A Church For Screwed Up People".  Though this may sound crude it really gets the attention of the highly military concentrated area we do ministry in.  Don't we all have messes in our lives anyways.  So we try not to hide this fact.

But we also try not to hide the fact that if we give our lives completely over to Jesus He won't leave us this way.  Jesus wants to take us from our brokenness and create in us a new work where we are sons and daughters of the most high King Jesus.

A practical way we recently tried to communicate this was through a "Divorce and ReMarriage Seminar" where we partnered with Sought Out Ministries (local Christian Counseling Ministry).  Praise God for the families and individuals that came from Awaken and from the Community to seek health in their lives and relationships.  So let's just not be a church that is for "Screwed Up People" but also be the church that seeks health.

Men Vs. Women

I was personally reminded of the differences of men and women while playing with my kids. My 6 year old daughter asks why do adult teeth not hurt like baby teeth when they come in? Very good question, but while she asks this my son is rolling on the floor making growling noises! I couldn't help but think of how different Men and Women are. One is thinking and asking very intelligent questions, the other is grunting on the floor! HA!!

On one of our Sundays through our Love, Marriage, Baby Carriage Series we talked about the differences between Men and Women.

Top Five Needs of a Man:

1. Sexual Fulfillment: Husband feels close to their wives through sex and each should talk about this aspect of their relationship.

2. Recreational Companionship: Most men struggle to sit and talk, however they love doing things together. A husband and wife should find things they both enjoy doing together.

3. Attractive Spouse: A husband wants his wife to occasionally dress up and go on dates with him and take care of herself.

4. Domestic Support: Men have a need for a peaceful home. He wants to know that as he is leading and loving his family things are being taken care of on the home front.

5. Admiration: A guy wants a wife who believes in him and tells him that. Ladies tell your husband you are proud of him. Encourage him.

Top Five Needs of a Woman:

1. Affection: Guys your wives just want you to hold her and love her. It doesn't always have to be about sex!

2. Conversation: Men learn to talk to your wife. She needs you to talk to her. Set time aside to talk each week. This becomes harder with kids, but is desperately needed.

3. Total Trust: A wife needs to know she can be open and honest with her husband. Trust is a valuable and fragile thing that must be continually worked on.

4. Provided For: Guys get a job! Provide for your family. She doesn't need to be rich or have everything she wants, but she must feel she is provided for and stable.

5. Family Commitment: Though a guy needs a peaceful home that doesn't mean that a husband is not a husband or a father. A woman needs to know he is committed to his family no matter what.

Material taken from popular book "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard Harley

For more on this topic listen to the following sermon: http://vault.awakenvirginiabeach.com/audio/2012-02-26-hq-sermon.mp3

Different Reasons Marriages Fail

My wife told me of a marriage statistic she had recently heard that both astonished me and at the same time didn't surprise me. It surprised me because I see the same things in the church and it didn't surprise me because I have seen the lack of work and energy placed in marriages. This new stat says last year 200,000 marriages ended before couple's made it to their 1 year anniversary. Wow not even a year into the marriage and they called it quits. Another stat states that the average life of a marriage today is only 7 years.

Below is not an exhaustive list.. but I believe it is a good place to start in resurrecting marriages.

1. MAN IT UP BOY! It amazes me how much men are not men today. I find so many men that are passive, indifferent, and illusive to their wives. What happened to men who are tough, fighters, aggressive, passionate and all within the context of loving Jesus? Instead we find men that go work their 8 hours, come home unengaged with their wives and their children, and spend their weekends watching sports regretting that Monday is right around the corner. What is startling is this is no different outside the church as it is in the church. Men we need to lead again as Jesus lead the church; sacrificially. Engage your families.
2. LADIES STOP EMASCULATING YOUR MEN! Ladies let your men be men. Before women are married they love the man that is risky, bold, courageous, and sometimes seemingly untamed. Then when they marry they start out to first change the things that originally attracted them to their husbands... their manhood! Women let your men lead in a Godly way. Stop trying to take the headship role in the home and allow your husband to lead as Christ also leads his church with boldness, courage, and passion.
3. SCREW THE STUFF! The American dream has turned into the American nightmare. We think that once we are married that now we must settle down somewhere and start stock piling stuff as if we were Colombian drug lords stock piling munitions. We believe in the false ideal that the way I provide for my family is through a bigger home, a nicer car, more expensive clothes, and totally lose out on the simple things like dreaming together, laughing together, sharing together and playing together.
4. YOU MARRIED THE SEXIEST PERSON ON THE PLANET! Pursue your spouse like the day you did when you married. Men are the biggest to blame for this. When you get married don't let the hunt stop. You are a hunter and you pursued your wife at all cost before you were married. That shouldn't stop when you marry, but instead intensify. Women, let your men pursue you. Before you married you made yourself look beautiful for him both on the inside and the outside. Let yourselves be pursued by your husband. Flirt with each other like you used to!!
5. TIME OUT KIDS! Your kids need to know that they are second to your spouse, not before your spouse. When is the last time you kissed in front of your kids? When is the last time you went out on a date leaving the kids with a babysitter? Yes children are a lot of responsibility, time, and energy, but don't let them come in the way of your marriage. Otherwise one day you will wake up, your kids will be grown and out of the house, and you won't know the person you married some 20 years ago.
6. NOT 50/50! Where do we get the idea that marriage is a 50/50 relationship. The idea that I will give 50% and they will give 50% and we will be fine. Question? What happens during your marriage when the other spouse is only able to give 30% due to extraneous circumstances? What happens if neither are able to hold up their 50/50 agreement? I will tell you what eventually happens, divorce! You see Christ didn't give us 50% and expect us to give the other 50%. No He gave it all, His life, 100%, in order to renew a lost relationship with the God of the World. We likewise are to give 100%. Therefore marriage is 100/100. How much more full would that marriage be?
7. JESUS THE GREAT ADD IN!?! What!! Jesus is not an add in to a marriage. Jesus needs to be the foundation of a marriage. Every marriage is built upon a foundation and if that foundation is off then the whole marriage will be off. The foundation is the very thing that allows the structure above to be built as desired. Therefore Jesus needs to be the common denominator in the marriage and family. Are you praying together, reading the scriptures together, going to church together, serving together, and growing together?

I Hate My Marriage

I Hate My Marriage... no not really. I actually love my marriage, but I do know a lot of people are at this place in their lives. They look at their marriages and for whatever reason, mostly they have no answers for, their marraiges are not what they imagined them to become.

I know the title is shocking, but so is the fact that so many marriages are hurting as the church stands around and watches. This fall we are launching a marriage series that will focus on all areas of marriage from expectations in marriage to friends, fears, and foxes that steal our marriages, even to what happens in between the sheets. Shhhh! I think it is called sex... Why you ask, because the Bible talks about all these areas and therefore we should as well.

So whether you Hate Your Marriage or you are experiencing a ripe and fruitful marriage (that can easily sour) or maybe you are not even married (either way it is still fun to talk about sex)... don't miss what God says about the topic we all care to know more about! We will be launching this series through the month of October... don't miss out!